Einstein must have been a Cowboys fan

If insanity is best defined as “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” then they better get started on some new asylums, because there are a lot of Cowboys fans in the world, and this is getting ridiculous.

After receiving an early Christmas gift from Matt Cassel and the Vikings on Sunday morning, the Cowboys had the opportunity to take control of the NFC East with two very winnable games against Green Bay and Washington, which would leave week seventeen against the Eagles essentially meaningless. For thirty minutes it looked like they were actually going to pull it off too, and that is what makes them the Cowboys. Green Bay finally realized at halftime that the Cowboys’ defense is historically bad, and the Cowboys inexplicably decided to throw the ball 51 FUCKING TIMES, including the three sacks they gave up. They led the game from the 4:52 mark of the first quarter until the 1:31 mark of the fourth quarter (48:21 straight!), yet managed to call passing plays 74% of the time. DeMarco Murray averaged 7.4 yards per carry for 134 yards without leaving the game injured, but only had eight carries in the second half . This is completely inexcusable play calling, but apparently Tony Romo is at fault because he audibled out of one running play that resulted in an interception, as if the last swing of an axe is what falls a tree, but not the 50 swings prior.

Jason Garrett, for his entire tenure as the Cowboys’ coach, has proven himself to be hopelessly unprepared to win professional football games, and this is just the twenty-sixth example. And yet, here I am, writing myself into the fifth stage of loss for the seventh time this year, as if there was ever really any other potential outcome. This season alone, the Cowboys are ticking items off Bill Simmons’ levels of losing as if it’s a to-do list; by my count, there are three Stomach-Punches (Denver, Detroit, and Green Bay), and two Full-Fledged Butt Kickings (New Orleans and Chicago), all clouded by an Achilles Heel, Broken Axle, Goose/Maverick Tailspin love-child that encapsulates the entire season.

But I’ll be watching next week. The TV in my padded cell only shows Cowboys’ games.

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