Fatherhood Quarterly

Ten things I’ve learned in my first three months as a father:

  • I’m a really selfish person; if not in my actions, then definitely in my own mind. Having a daughter seems to be curing me of that really fast.
  • Sleep is really underrated.
  • Having a few beers with friends isn’t the same when you know you have to go home and change diapers instead of immediately passing out in your clothes.
  • The first time you think you’re about to drop your child is intensely frightening. The next five, less so.
  • Being a father is a little like being a rock star (your eyes are always bloodshot, you’re awake for days on end, people scream at you all the time), just without the money or sex.
  • New parents acquire an amazing skill that causes them to project all their baby’s positive attributes into meaningless adult traits (she’s in the 97th percentile for height at birth, she’s going to be 5’10”!!), but ignore anything even remotely negative (oh stop it, all little girls fart loud enough to wake up the dog).
  • Ignore the parents who volunteer advice. Listen to the ones who wait for you to ask.
  • Don’t complain to your wife about anything. Ever. Again. She has it much tougher than you do.
  • All the hard things (no sleep, endless crying fits, diaper blowouts, etc), are instantly forgotten when your child looks you in the eye and smiles.
  • Reading a book to my daughter for the first time (Vader’s Little Princess, obviously) was the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
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